Yesterday I had to engage a little with the past. The uncomfortable, painful past. The past when I thought my marriage was over and we wouldn’t make it. It left my heart feeling heavy and my mind agitated. At the end of the day I said to my husband that although I had to do the things which were making me think about the past again I was really praying that the feelings and emotions which I’d once felt about these events wouldn’t attach themselves to me again. Does that make sense ? You know the way you can remember things and you find yourself back in that moment. I don’t want to do that.
My prayer was answered in a very surprising way. I slept ok and then woke suddenly at 4am. I then slept again until about 7am. Sometime in those three hours I dreamed that I was marrying my husband again; or maybe we were renewing our vows. Either way, we were getting ready for a wedding ceremony. Our wedding ceremony. Friends from different times in our lives were there and as I walked down the street I saw friends putting up flowers. In the garden where we were going to have the ceremony we decided there weren’t enough flowers and just before I woke up I was wandering around a very beautiful garden cutting flowers to place on the canopy which seemed to be central to the celebration. Flowers, celebration, laughter. Those were the main elements in my dream.
I told a friend I saw today about this dream. ‘You don’t have to have the gift to interpret that one’, was her response. We laughed. And then she almost cried. It’s amazing to me and to those who know me that the dream I had last night feels much more real than the past events I was remembering. I would gladly marry my husband again. I wouldn’t hesitate for a second. It’s not something I’ve thought about at all , but I’m pretty sure God used that dream to show me how I feel, and to remind me that I am secure enough in Him and in my marriage to deal with the past without it wrecking my present.