You can only take hold of things which have substance. You can’t hold air or laughter in your hand. You can’t hold dreams or fantasies. Not securely.
So taking hold of the life that is truly life, my aim for this year, means that I have to get to grips with reality. The reality of who I am, and the life I have, and the world I live in.
‘Begin the song exactly where you are
for where you are contains where you have been
and holds the vision of your final sphere.’ Malcolm Guite
I am trying to do that. I’m accepting who I am at this time. I’m naming my weaknesses and my strengths. It is only in naming them, acknowledging them, owning them that I can learn to live in my reality. I have been trying to take hold of an area of my life for ages, and it has seemingly been impossible. Over the past week I’ve realised that it is because the pull of something which I actually want to remove from my life is addictive to me. So I’m calling myself an addict. I’m saying, there is something stronger than me, and so I need to call on God’s strength AND I need to use every bit of my own strength against this, because I want freedom.
I’m learning that by recognising my reality, I can hold it much more easily. I’m not trying to hold a false version of my self or my life. I’m facing it all and learning how to live well, in this body, in this life, as me.