I haven’t been good

I haven’t been good.

Not really.

Well not at all.

Yesterday I felt bleurgh. And frustrated. And cross with myself.

Why?

Because I didn’t tick the boxes.

‘Which boxes?’ I hear you ask.

(I’m guessing your boxes may not be the same as mine. Everyone’s are slightly different)

  • I didn’t tick the ‘no sugar’ box
  • I didn’t tick the ‘stay away from social media during work time’ box
  • I didn’t tick the ‘work solidly for all the hours your children are at school’ box
  • And I didn’t tick the ‘don’t look for the person you shouldn’t look for on facebook’ box

Now do you understand why I felt so mad with myself?  That’s not all.

Mid-afternoon I ate a bar of chocolate. 

You see?

Total ******* disaster right here.

I suppose you want to know what I did all day when I should have been ticking boxes?

  • Well , there were my children to look after. 
  • I spent all the time two were at school, helping the other with things that she needed me to help with.
  • I messaged a friend who was facing things that were making her feel scared and upset, and as I’ve experienced similar things I was able to empathise and pray.
  • I shopped and cooked dinner for a group of teenage girls who came to study the bible in our garden.
  • I hosted a large group of teenagers for the evening  and came up with world records for them to attempt to break. There was also a fire, and food, and guitars and Wonderwall.
  • And then when they left I snuggled on the sofa with my husband and a beer and watched Tom Hiddleston on the Graham Norton show.
  • Finally, before I went to bed I took the guitar the kids had been playing earlier, and played myself a few songs, and surprised myself by remembering the intro to Stairway to Heaven.         

And the greatest commandment is this

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and mind.

Love your neighbour as yourself.

Where’s the bit about not eating a chocolate bar mid-afternoon, and not going on facebook until after 7pm ? It must be there because I am certain that doing those things make me bad. And isn’t that what the bible is there to tell me about? 

or am I getting it confused with the magazines and Tv shows, the books and films and conversations I hear and see and read?  The endless messages about how I should live, to be more productive, happier, thinner, beautiful, fitter, smarter, more efficient, less cluttered, less wrinkly and just …. better. 

Love God. Love people. 

Sometimes even though we feel something really strongly and deeply, we can be completely wrong.

When I break my rules about life or behaviour or eating I’m convinced that I’m bad. That I’m failing. That I don’t do things well enough.

It doesn’t mean that I’m right.

Love God. Love people. 

 

 

 

 

 

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